Have you been feeling a LOT this month? Are you finding it hard to stand in your yes and no when you make a decision?
I'm about to get real personal here with my own story because for me, you are my witness, and I also know the power of someones story to help me shift perspective, so I hope that my story will help you in whatever way it can today.
If you've been keeping up with me, you know that I am going through quite a journey right now. To be truthful, I have been feeling depressed, sad, angry, resentful, jealous, in a lot of blame and frustration.
I have been spiraling down into my internal CNN... Constantly Negative News... channel in my head ( thanks Devika Kern, for that insight this morning in dance class). I have been frantically trying to grasp on to something that will 'fix' or 'solve' what's wrong with me.
And the funny thing is, after all the work I have done, all the knowing I have around spiritual wisdom, knowing that there is nothing wrong, there is nothing to fix, that I am perfect as I am, it's still been pretty F-ing hard to come back home, to my core, my heart, my womb and allow myself to be as I am. Can you relate?
I am diving deep into myself, into my divine-brokenness and into the places that scare me the most. I am being honest about MY truth and noticing how much I let other people's truth overlay my own.
I am in the underworld of underworlds. I am letting go of the constructs and the images that I have created for myself and told myself I should be or need to be to be successful and secure.
Sometimes the scariest and most challenging thing we can do is to love ourselves just as we are. The most ambitious task can be to simply do LESS... or even, do nothing. To listen in silence and wait.
I have been facing many difficult decisions lately and being more honest than I have ever been with myself and others. This video that I made for you is all about being 100% in fidelity and honesty with your heart ( and your yes and your no)
In the midst of all of this my websites have been hacked and will need to be rebuilt... so I'm posting this blog on one of my old blogger blogs. Which is an interesting parallel to what's happening to my body internally. There are no coincidences right?
The fun part is, I got to revisit my mind from a few years ago when I was just starting the Feminine Rhythm in July 2010.
Whether you are here with me in this place or you know it... I welcome you into it. Know that you are not alone, just as I am remembering as I write to you that I am not alone.
And remember, that in our alone-ness, is where we find that we are not alone. This is the clear, shiney place of clarity that comes from our ability to approve of ALL the parts of us.
I am learning to surrender to my sadness. I am learning to come back home to myself in deeper ways. I am learning to relentlessly be there for myself.
Here is a practice I've been doing to help myself be in allowing of my internal state:
1) Go in front of a mirror. Look at yourself in the eyes softly.
2) Take a moment to feel into your core, your heart and your womb. Close your eyes if you need to for a moment.
3) Open your eyes, and show yourself the internal state of your core. Allow the emotion to show up on your face, in your body language, radiating from your cells. Joy, anger, sadness, resentment, blame, shame, excitement... whatever it is, allow it to be. Let it be there. Show it to yourself and take it in with as much compassion as you can.
4) Cry, scream, shout, laugh if it comes, but don't try to change your internal state right now. Just let it be.
5) Look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself what truth you are feeling or hearing from within. Especially the truth you are afraid to hear.
6) Affirm to yourself in the mirror love and kindness. Here is an example of what I say: I love you, ( insert your name), and I am always here. It is totally normal to feel afraid and unsafe. Know that I am here and there is nothing you need to do or be. I love your ( insert emotion that showed up). I love the way I saw you ( insert what you saw).
Often I am speaking to my inner lil one, and I surround her with love, light, angels and remind her she is loved, pretty, and safe.
7) Then I tell myself: I am Lauren Sheehan. I am 26 years old and I am in Austin, Tx. I leave whatever part of me showed up as it is.
If you should try this, please let me know how it goes for you! If you have a practice that works well for you, please share.